One Stop poetry – Form Monday – Ottava Rima

Brookwood - cross of sacrifice

Gay – you have iambs again – my nemesis! Here is my best effort…and after posting I realise it is not even pentameter…oh dear!

Remembrance at Brookwood Military Cemetery

Beneath and almond-marbled sky,
headstones standing to attention,
and side by side veterans sigh
their pride at every comrades mention –
once close friends from days gone by.
The skies release a weep of rain –
an enveloping cloak of pain.

About SallyJ

I am a writer and a poet.
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9 Responses to One Stop poetry – Form Monday – Ottava Rima

  1. Libithina says:

    a beautiful tribute of remembrance Sally ~ Lib @Libithina

  2. wolfsrosebud says:

    Timely… thanks for the piece.

  3. Gay Cannon says:

    All smiles. A worthy tribute and yes needs a bit of tinkering. Yes, the form to be historic calls for iambic pentameter or to be very strict 4 iambs and an anapest per line to get eleven syllables but that is silly to be a slave to rhyme length to that degree. I think if tetrameter feels most natural to you, you could make this form work for you in a long work. However, here you are shy one line that should end in “–shun” and that does take it out of contention as ottava rima for the present. Nothing comes quickly in form I’ve found and for me it takes endless fiddling with it before I am mostly satisfied. I feel the same about the one I posted today. Barely satisfactory but I put it up as I felt I needed to. Not near perfect yet, though. Well done for trying! It’s the only way to start and you found the words and the thing to say and that’s most of the battle done. Gay

    • SallyJ says:

      As always gay, I try but somehow my words won’t cop-operate – good practice though and I always enjoy myself. Thanks for taking so much time and thought over your comments.

  4. Memorial seems to be the theme of the day – but as that’s the USA holiday today…. Yes metre is trickery!

  5. Just perfect for Memorial Day, when surely form may give way to feeling.

  6. SallyJ says:

    Thank you Kerry – I am already editing and trying to bring it into line…

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