Anapestically Over Exposed


I know I need to be more disciplined in my poetry – take more time to refine and hone what I write. I must also stop dodging the issue of metre and the self talk that has led me to believe that ‘I don’t do iambs‘! Truly, I do find it easier to use a trochaic foot most of the time, but is this because I am too lazy to find a different way?

The One Stop Poetry exercise today could have been written specifically for me and yet twice I have shuffled off to do other things and twice returned, knowing I need to work at getting better.

So, I took yesterday’s One Shoot poem, ‘Over Exposed’, https://sallyjblackmore.co.uk/other-poems/over-exposed/, and tried to rewrite it using iambs, or even in anapests -I always give myself an escape hatch!

I have managed one verse. It is not the same poem, but holds part of the same message. I think it is anapestic, but I may be manipulating the lines to convince myself I have done what I set out to do.

Every click leaves me less of myself,
My white skin , tissue thin, is like clay
To be moulded in your preferred way.
I agree with the wise men of old
on that film you have trapped my soul.

Maybe I’ll manage more and better after my Tai Chi lesson…

 

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About SallyJ

I am a writer and a poet.
This entry was posted in One Stop Poetry, poet, poetry, Uncategorized, writer, writing and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Anapestically Over Exposed

  1. hollyheir says:

    To start..probably need to be accompanying you to that Tai Chi class. When I began going to workshop, after having written for years, I would read my poem and hear almost weekly…”it’s beautiful Gay, but it doesn’t scan…and that’s not good because it rhymes.” Even in my free verse I still throw in rhymes haphazardly (people commented for awhile about my “internal” rhymes) but I knew it was all laziness. I came to realize it was like hitting a wrong note in a chord. It threw the music off. It shouted out that I was not a professional, that I was not careful, that I hadn’t practiced enough.

    But today, just as I finally did, you took yourself in hand and made it work!
    I will break it down as I read it and for others to see. You can let us know if you (the writer and poet) read it and see it the same way!

    Every click| leaves me less| of myself,| = anapestic trimeter
    My white skin| , tissue thin|, is like clay|= anapestic trimeter
    To be| moulded |in your| preferred way.|= 3 iambic feet + 1 anapestic foot (tetrameter)
    I agree| with the wise| men of old= anapestic trimeter
    on that film| you have trapped| my soul. = two anapestic feet, one iamb (trimeter)

    So this scans with the heavy stresses landing at the end of all the feet.
    All lines but the third one in my reading are trimeter (three feet)
    and all of them make complete or partial use of anapests.
    If you want that third line to conform, you might tinker with it; however
    for poetry’s sake it isn’t necessary. Breaking with the conformity of your line length
    enhances the poem, shapes its meaning, and emphasizes what you want to say.
    Well done and thanks for linking. Gay

    • SallyJ says:

      Thank you Gay. You have read the poem exactly as I wrote it. I did wonder about that line length but knew that if I added to it I would be doing it for the sake of it. I’m glad you think it is OK , poetically, as it stands. Thank you for taking so much time to critique.

  2. Reflections says:

    Nicely done, I think. I too have not ventured with anapests, but I believe you have nailed it.

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