Now it’s High Octains…


Having struggled with Octains last week, this week’s task for the One Stop Poetry.com ‘form Monday’ is a High Octain – twice as hard – at least.

Jingle poetry’s theme of Sketches, Images, Impressions was a starting point. Goethe’s ‘Behaviour is the mirror in which everyone shows their image’.

Combine these with a news article about a news article about the current trend for figures in the public eye to take out injunctions for privacy – or, according to those cynics amongst us, to hide the gaps between what they say and what they do – and an idea began to take shape.

This is still clunky, and not exactly literary, but it is, in essence a High Octain…possibly. Please note – I have resorted to the odd slant rhyme – in some places, very odd!

Injunction
Remember friend, image is all –
question with care every action.
If in doubt take an injunction.

Any event you can recall
maybe uncouth, back in your youth
could incite a ruinous fall.

At all times exercise caution –
remember , friend, image is all.

Never forget, image is all –
dream, construct, fashion a fiction
stainless, blameless, pure perfection.

Tell gainsayers to test, to maul-
that traitor, truth, cannot intrude,
capture your castle, scale your wall

if you’re wise, scrutinise options –
remember friend, image is all!

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About SallyJ

I am a writer and a poet.
This entry was posted in inspiration, Jingle Poetry, One Stop Poetry, poet, poetic forms, poetry, writer, writing and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

22 Responses to Now it’s High Octains…

  1. Steve says:

    Hi Sally, I love the way you’ve kept but adjusted the refrain lines – very clever and imaginative. And, of course, who cannot smile at the subject matter – very topical ! Image being all – reminds me of a well known saying “do as I say, not as I do”.

    • SallyJ says:

      Thanks Steve – in fact that saying was in one line at some point but i could just hear the moans of ‘cliche’ had I left it there. it was my Mother’s favourite dictum!

  2. Gay Cannon says:

    Certainly seems to be the political dictum. Well constructed, interesting matter that flows well and adheres to the form..as we’ve all found that’s not so easy to do. Much admiration for a work well done. Thank you, Gay

    • SallyJ says:

      Thank you Gay. As you say, not easy but at least I seem to be able to count syllables when I don’t have to worry about iambs etc 🙂

  3. Oh I love this! Such word choice and cunning rhymes, and never di they detract from your central message. Excellent work.

  4. Jingle says:

    image is all,

    how true, well delivered theme, you rock!
    Happy Potluck!
    🙂

  5. SallyJ says:

    Thank you John. Serendipity at work really.

  6. Steve Isaak says:

    Enjoyed this a lot.

  7. Beth Winter says:

    Well written, topical High Ocatain.

    Enjoyed very much.

    Beth

  8. Luke Prater says:

    Great theme and subtextual content here, Sally, and I think you’re being pretty humble in your own appraisal of the piece. ‘Clunky’ is not how I’d describe it. As for the slant/half-rhymes, I like them, in general; often more subtle rhyme is appealing and feels less corny than (especially monosyllabic) perfect rhyme. In particular, your second midline rhyming line (that you’ve chosen to rhyme differently from line fives’s c/c – ‘that traitor, truth, cannot intrude’ – aurally this is a delight right through and the imperfect rhyme suits well amidst the glorious alliteration and impetuous cadence).

    I Like how you have varied refrain three to kick of the second half, it brings more interest and avoids that repetition that can feel just too close in some.

    Line two has nine syllables unless you spell ‘every’ elided: ev’ry (commonly done in old poetry in particular).

    Fine piece and you certainly rose to the challenge of the High Octain

    Luke

    • SallyJ says:

      Thanks Luke for your kind words. I wondered about the ‘every’ syllable count – different dictionaries gave conflicting advice, as per your article on one stop poetry. Maybe I’ll change it to each, but it does dilute it a little. What is the current feeling about ev’ry…is it still viewed as archaic and therefore inadmissable to modern poetry?
      Thank you for a great challenge…

      • Luke Prater says:

        I don’t think ‘ev’ry’ is too archaic – but if a either the US or British officially have it as two syllables rather than three, you’re good to go I’d say, without the elision.

      • SallyJ says:

        Thanks Luke – I’ll leave it for now then and see who else picks it up…

  9. C Rose says:

    I really enjoyed this piece Sally, you did a wonderful job in composing it to flow so well. Great job ~ Rose

  10. brian says:

    ah, love it…you create nice flow with the creative lines and of course i like the underlying message as well…

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