It’s just a pair of well worn slippers
retrieved from under the bed;
nondescript in every way, no shred
of colour on holey, threadbare uppers.
The soles are thin, like paper,
the insides, grey and slubbed –
it’s just a pair of well worn slippers,
retrieved from under the bed.
And yet my demeanour shatters,
eyes fill with tears, unshed –
skin – trembling and goose-bumped
as if touching your dead fingers –
not a pair of well worn slippers
retrieved from under the bed
Sally J Blackmore's Blog 
i like the idea of your rondel a lot – so nice! I also like the slightly changed A Refrain in the last stanza and you made it a Rondel prime by adding another B Refrain at the end – really good
the structure is very good as well – some of the rhymes don’t work really well for me…think they could be improved…let’s have a look
all (a) have to rhyme with the other (a) and (A)
all (b) have to rhyme with the other (b) and (B)
It’s just a pair of well worn slippers (A)
retrieved from under the bed; (B)
nondescript in every way, no shred (b) bed/shred work good
of colour on holey, threadbare uppers. (a)
The soles are thin, like paper, (a) uppers/paper not so good for me
the insides, grey and slubbed – (b)
it’s just a pair of well worn slippers, (A)
retrieved from under the bed. (B)
And yet my demeanour shatters, (a)
eyes fill with tears, unshed – (b) unshed/bed works well
skin – trembling and goose-bumped (b)
as if touching your dead fingers – (a) fingers/shatters works not so good for me (you have the same ending “ers” but i feel for fingers there should be a word with another “i” like lingers, singers..
not a pair of well worn slippers (A)
retrieved from under the bed (A)
if you are unsure which rhymes work well, you can use rhyme tools like rhymezone.com
and i have to add, i’m german and english is only my second language – so it could be that the rhymes work, depending in which part of the world you are and how you pronounce it – this is just my very personal humble opinion.
Wow, Claudia, such a brilliant critique – thank you very much for taking so much time over this rondel. I agree that some of the rhymes are not as strong as they could be. I will work one them. I am also less than content with lines 11 and twelve. I feel an edit coming on.
Thank you again for such insight and thoughtful comments
Worn slippers are comfort food for the feet. Interesting write.
well worn slippers remind me of home ~
nice…you ring lots of emotion out of this and play nikce to form…have a kid i work with that keeps a couple pair of his moms shoes since she passed…
Thanks guys…there is something special about slipper altogether I think.
What happened at the end there? Was a well-gone pair of grey mice retrieved from under the bed?
AKA Tom Eliot:
I was already enjoying your poem and then my appreciation lurched skyward with the dead fingers line. Good choice too, concentrating on the slippers an evocative idea.
Thank you Tom – glad you enjoyed it…