Letting go for me is tough the battle with my tendency to be in control has left its mark on my health. As Claudia says in her introduction, taking on a task means that it must be seen through to completion…but sometimes self preservation has to kick in and say
‘good enough is good enough’. It has taken me a long time to actually put this into practice and even now, after 8 years battling with my health, I find it so very hard to do.
Being a completionist as well as an idealist led to overwork and under-play ( if there is such a thing!) and I eventually succumbed to ME ( often better known as CFS). This spelled the end of my career and a long time of heart searching about what it had all been for in the first place. It was a while before I found the silver lining, which was the time to develop as a poet and writer. Hopefully I have learned my lesson…
The following poem sums up the misery of waste and expresses some of my anger and frustration…it was written 7 years ago and I have moved on since, but after the mining memory exercise earlier this week on dVerse I came upon it and now it seems to tie in to today’s prompt.
You miserable worm, you wriggled in,
shrouded, cloaked by a simple virus.
A sly, insatiable, masked assassin,
writhing, twisting, feeding with a callous
indifference, violating my words, thoughts,
energy, intellect, desires. You make me
a ramshackle woman, distraught,
grieving for a self too lost to retrieve.
But you, worm, beware. I have your measure.
For each joy you consume, each hurt you heap
I’ll fill the void with calm, find new life, new pleasure
I’ll learn to write, listen paint, sing. Somehow,
Somehow worm, I’ll win. This rape stops now.