At last I have a moment to respond to the dVerse prompt once more.
Letting go for me is tough the battle with my tendency to be in control has left its mark on my health. As Claudia says in her introduction, taking on a task means that it must be seen through to completion…but sometimes self preservation has to kick in and say
‘good enough is good enough’. It has taken me a long time to actually put this into practice and even now, after 8 years battling with my health, I find it so very hard to do.
Being a completionist as well as an idealist led to overwork and under-play ( if there is such a thing!) and I eventually succumbed to ME ( often better known as CFS). This spelled the end of my career and a long time of heart searching about what it had all been for in the first place. It was a while before I found the silver lining, which was the time to develop as a poet and writer. Hopefully I have learned my lesson…
The following poem sums up the misery of waste and expresses some of my anger and frustration…it was written 7 years ago and I have moved on since, but after the mining memory exercise earlier this week on dVerse I came upon it and now it seems to tie in to today’s prompt.
Invasion
You miserable worm, you wriggled in,
shrouded, cloaked by a simple virus.
A sly, insatiable, masked assassin,
writhing, twisting, feeding with a callous
indifference, violating my words, thoughts,
energy, intellect, desires. You make me
a ramshackle woman, distraught,
grieving for a self too lost to retrieve.
But you, worm, beware. I have your measure.
For each joy you consume, each hurt you heap
I’ll fill the void with calm, find new life, new pleasure
I’ll learn to write, listen paint, sing. Somehow,
Somehow worm, I’ll win. This rape stops now.
Sally J Blackmore's Blog 
filling voids with calm is a good thing…turning away and moving on, learning and discovering new things…yeah…def. a good thing to do..
But one of the hardest Claudia…thanks for reading,
Jeez! That was powerful. Working with many CFS patients (not to treat their syndrome but to care for other health needs), I have heard many of these stories. They are devastating. And yet, I have heard of heros like you — who becomes artists in spite of the damn worm! Well done, well said.
The worst stories for me belong to the very young people who barely even get their lives started before this ‘worm’ sneaks in and robs them…thank you for reading and commenting and keep up the good work.
I like the way you have indicated, in your poem, that the ‘rape’ will stop now. You show your strength and determination; and in reading that this poem was written some years ago, I would say that you have succeeded. You have ‘let go’ and move on in a different direction and succeeded!
Thank you Mary – you are right – I have moved on to do things I could never have fitted in before – I am lucky but constantly vigilant. Thanks for reading and commenting
We’ve talked of this before, Sally, CFS is not so very different from Fibromyalgia, both awful silent and unseen conditions. Your poem is powerful and thought-provoking ~ it gives an interesting slant on the prompt ~ I especially like ‘I have your measure’, that sense of taking back control.
Thanks Polly – my daughter unfortunately suffers from fibromyalgia but not too severely thank goodness – there is talk of the conditions being linked…who knows… both are stealth conditions!
… and also with hypermobility syndrome, which my daughter has. Wretched, but at least there is more known about these conditions now.
and the more we speak out, the more these syndromes will be understood…
ha. love it…i love the attitude and not letting the worm have the day but taking it to them…smiles…your words have power…and hopefully they not only empower you but all who read this….
…a rather brave poem that stands a point… a voice that reaches out to be heard… louder and louder until it hits the ears of those who care… strong pleas in a rather camouflaging tone & cover… excellent write… smiles…
thank you Kelvin.
Thank you Brian – let’s hope so. Being bloody minded is half the battle!
I know the frustration of chronic health problems. Even at 26, I have had so many medical issues, its uncanny. Sometimes it’s hard not to be angry with the world at times. You’ve captured this well.
Thank you Gretchen. I agree about the anger…the only useful place for that is in a harness to help rather than roiling about inside
ah what a journey. rock on =).
I’ll do my best 🙂
Thanks for commenting.