Inspiration – at last

This is my first post for two days, but I did manage three poems, ‘Love Eternal’,  ‘Isabella and Irena Wianiawski – eternally waiting in Surrey’ and ‘The Wall’. The latter was in response to a great photo prompt on One Stop Poetry, the photographer was James Rainsford, and as before with his pictures, it unlocked a thought that had stalled somewhere between my brain and my pen. All three poems can be seen under the NaPoWriMo tag on this blog.
https://sallyjblackmore.co.uk/napowrimo/the-wall/

Both ‘Love Eternal’ and ‘Eternally waiting in Surrey’ were inspired by my visit to Brookwood Cemetery. The two matching headstones for the poet and the artist  (Love Eternal) were beautiful in their simplicity, but as moving for me was the way they seemed to nudge one another companionably – possibly the product of my over active imagination – but a beautiful thought nonetheless. I have tried to find them on Google but there is no trace of either his poetry or her artwork.
This led me to another train of thought –  even while acknowledging that Google is not the fount of all knowledge. What if they were both something entirely different in their real lives? Something mundane, without charisma, ordinary for want of a better word. What if they shared a dream to have been a poet and an artist, and, in death, made their dreams come true? For the first time for ages, I feel a short story coming on!

https://sallyjblackmore.co.uk/napowrimo/love-eternal/

‘Eternally Waiting in Surrey’ inspired me because of the inscription on the headstone marking the resting place of a musician’s wife and her musician daughter. The inscription described Isabella as ‘wife of the immortal Polish violinist Henri Wianiawski of Warsaw’. Irena, the daughter, was mentioned as lying there but even though she had been a famous musician in her own right, it was only the father’s talents that were mentioned.
On investigation it emerged that he had been a prodigy and it was only the beauty of his playing that had persuaded Isabella’s parents to allow her to marry him when at first they had vehemently opposed the match. I find this a truly romantic story. The rest of the inscription is suitably beautiful… ‘Death wraps us in sleep that we may better live our dreams.’

https://sallyjblackmore.co.uk/napowrimo/isabella-and-irena-wianiawski-eternally-waiting-in-surrey/

There is a military funeral at the Necropolis today – a young soldier killed in Afghanistan. My first thought was to pay my respects and attend the service, but in the end I decided it would not be the right thing to do. Instead I send my prayers to the family on what must be the most painful and difficult day of their lives. They have to live through my worst fears and I pray for strength and peace for them all.

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Too Stubborn for my Own Good

I really thought the ME had zapped the migraines. In the last six years, the time I have had  ME,  I certainly have not been plagued by them until recently. In the last few weeks I have had five, three of them bad enough to want to bang my head against a wall.

It has occurred to me that I have been doing a lot more, mostly in terms of writing and preparing for the book signing event that is looming. If I examine how I feel, I have to admit that committing to a blog a day and a poem a day, (for NaPoWriMo), has added what might loosely be called ‘pressure’ to achieve a goal. I have missed a couple of days, and this makes me feel bad.

The ME too has stepped up again. I don’t have the energy I had last Autumn. I am nothing like as bad as, say two years ago, but I wonder if my goals need adjusting slightly.

This is something I have a problem with, and no amount of CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy – the only recommended treatment for ME by the NHS) has been able to convince me that it is OK to set a goal, and then, when achieving it seems too difficult, amend the goal to ensure success!

I wonder if this intractability is, in part, why I succumbed to ME, and possibly migraine headaches in the first place. I am too stubborn for my own good. It would be interesting to know whether other ME patients have the same or similar behaviour traits…

In the meantime, I will blog every day that I am able and still attempt a poem every day until the end of April. The question remains, should I remove the ‘Post a Day’ badge from my site?

I think not.

My NaPoWriMo effort for today is Love, eternal. Follow the link to read it –

https://sallyjblackmore.co.uk/napowrimo/love-eternal/

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The Necropolis

Where does Dennis Wheatley rub shoulders with the writer and illustrator of the Rupert Bear cartoon, or with John Singer Sargeant? Where do hanged women murderers – or suspected murderers – lie side by side with Ladies of the Realm; engineers beside VC holding soldiers;  Dr Robert Knox, the biggest ‘customer’ of Burke and Hare share a resting place with Vickers ( of aircraft manufacturing fame) family members?

The answer is at Brookwood Cemetery. In the late 1850’s London no longer had the space to bury its dead and so thousands of acres of land were set aside near Woking, a 40 minute train ride from the capital. The London Necropolis was born. A special railway station was built next to Waterloo station in London to carry mourners and the coffins of the deceased direct to Brookwood’s own stations, on the edge of the  cemetery grounds. North station was for non-conformists and South station was for Anglicans.

The first trains ran in 1854 and continued until the London terminal was destroyed by bombs in 1941. Two hundred and forty thousand people are buried there, beneath the Surrey pines.

The graves are higgledy piggledy, in some places crowded together, in others the space is amazingly open. There are simple markers and imposing mausoleums. Anchors, angels, pillars, forlorn faced statuary, groves of massive pines surrounding solitary graves, age old trees nudging closer and closer to the stonework, blocking all light; rusting chain link and ironwork fencing, fallen crosses of all designs – occupied, bare, celtic – just about every variation possible; so much to see, so many inscriptions ranging from severe to overly sentimental – typical of the Victorian way of death.

I have found my summer project, and have obtained permission to paint and write in the grounds – no photography allowed. Geese guard the entrance, choruses of birds sing, beetles scamper and rabbits bound. The grass is covered with pine cones and spotted with wild violets. The world is at bay and all is calm. Should be a great place for stories real and imagined to surface and the muse to reawaken.

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Migraine

Today was blighted by a migraine that began in the night.

I turned it to good use however as it inspired the NaPoWriMo  effort for today called, appropriately, migraine.

https://sallyjblackmore.co.uk/napowrimo/migraine/

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Missed one

Oh dear – missed an entry on the blog and with the NaPoWriMo…just not enough hours in the day , also the sun is much too beguiling. The temptation is to sit in it because it is there and in the true and certain knowledge that for most of the summer it will hide deep in the cover of clouds.

We have six dogs for the next week – Chester the pugalier has joined us – that will keep us all on our toes.

Meet Chester

He has a velvety coat that is currently moulting drastically – what joy. He also just knows that if anyone sits down, the one thing they need to make the moment perfect is to have him on their lap, none of which is conducive to serious writing. Consequently I haven’t been doing anything constructive but I am determined to get my head down … tomorrow.

Today’s poem is a Shadorma, a form I had never heard of until I read this week’s Monday One Stop Poetry Form.  I am looking forward to experimenting with it.

This is my first effort and it is a poem I  had to write to get past this particular idea. Now it is done and I can move on!

‘And Now’, a Shadorma, can be read at

https://sallyjblackmore.co.uk/napowrimo/and-now/

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At last

Today was the handing over ceremony from 16 Air Assault Brigade to 3 Commando – the baton has been handed on and D is on his way home from Helmand.

The sun is shining and K and I are lying doing nothing much at all. Mike is watching the Paris – Roubaix Cycle race, almost a religious experience for him and all th dogs are sleeping in the shade.

For now, all is right with my world and I am truly grateful!

The only slight nagging thought is that I have not yet written my Napowrimo poem for today…I wonder if it because I am at peace that nothing is scratching away at my senses, waiting for me to write it down?

 

 

Later…very lame Napowrimo effort at https://sallyjblackmore.co.uk/napowrimo/passion-pink-shoes/, but a commitment is a commitment! Hopefully I’ll do better tomorrow!

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The New Look (Dior 1949)

The New Look

See –
look at me,
see me twirl
my velvet skirt swirl.
Watch as my hair
traps golden sun;
my suede high heeled shoes
beat sexy tattoo;
my satin gloved hands
signal, ‘come on’.

See the glint in my eye,
the smile on my lips,
the dip of my waist,
the curve of my hips,
The tilt of my neck – admire me,
and sigh,
deeply sigh
before you
pass by.

 

After the austerity of the Second World War, Christian Dior‘s sumptuous New Look with extravagant fabrics and flamboyant wide skirts was exactly the right antidote and women coveted the decadence of it. No more skirts fashioned from curtains or wedding dresses made out of parachute fabric.

This is my Napowrimo effort for today!

(it is duplicated under the Napowriomo tab).

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Aspirations of armadillos

I just listened to Elizabeth Bishop reading her poem ‘The Armadillo’ at http://www.poets.org/viewmedia.php/prmMID/15214. and it made me yearn to write good poetry.

Her words are natural, her images not overdone, the rhythm gentle, unforced and the rhyme present in the background, working with the poem, not being the poem.

I want to write this well. Poetry that is accessible yet beautiful, has meaning but doesn’t preach. I want to find words that echo long after the complete poem is forgotten. I want to find new ways to show old truths.

There is a feeling that I carry around with me that is like a clenched fist. No, more like the arse to your elbow feeling that you get when you look down over a precipice and have to fight your feet to stay still. It hovers in the region above my kidneys…like adrenaline. This feeling is only mitigated when I write something that seems to approach meaningful…and that is not very often.

Where to go next is the question, what to try. Could it be meter or form, maybe rhyme scheme? Should I plunder the dictionary every day for new words?

Maybe the answer is to read more poetry. To analyse what I like and why. To identify those poems that stay with me after I have put away the text. Also to have the confidence to admit that I don’t understand a great deal of poetry and to imagine that occasionally it might be the poet’s fault rather than always being mine.

My kind of poetry, that which I like and aspire to write, does not cloak itself in ambiguity or highly academic language or concept. It is real. Written in real words that anyone might know and understand, about concepts and ideas that ordinary people can share.

The thing is, I can talk and think all day long about what I want to do. I need to spend more time just doing it.

 

My poem for Napowrimo, 8th April is at https://sallyjblackmore.co.uk/napowrimo/apricot-tree/

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Dog day

Today has been dominated by the dogs – well three of them at least. Yesterday I introduced Puppy in my blog – if he had a proper name, it is lost in the past. We rescued him and his half brother, Wellington, both long haired miniature dachshunds, several years ago and the name that came with the blue one was Puppy.

Wellie and Puppy are quiet characters, both stubborn, both greedy, both lazy and both just know that they are very beautiful. They don’t run away – in fact are more likely to turn and go home than make a bid for freedom. They are talkative dogs and grumble away to themselves, and occasionally at me. They are definitely carpet slipper dogs.

 

Wellie and Puppy going home

 

The other three dogs we have are all Jack Russells of one description or another, and it was these, in fact always is these, that made my day interesting.

Lucy is a run away. All she wants to do is run. when we first collected her from the animal shelter her back legs did not work, certainly not alternately. She would jump them along in little bunny hops. We took her swimming. Slowly but surely her legs strengthened and she began to scamper. Then she realised that she could run. And so she did. And still does. At every opportunity.

 

I promise...

Rosie is a Jack Russell cross. From the broad spade shaped forehead and black curranty eyes, her father was possibly a Staffie. Her ears don’t know whether to stand up or flop over and she is covered in spots. No-one could call her beautiful. She is a worrier. She wants to please but just doesn’t know how. She is affectionately(!) known as the fun police. She is easily persuaded by the beautiful but naughty Lucy that running away is the one thing that will make her popular and gain her praise.

hello Rosie

 

Nellie is our elderly Parsons Jack. She is 16 and in the last few months has been showing her age. She is my dog. At the age of 6 she chased a seagull off a 350 foot cliff at Birling Gap, startling a family who were eating their picnic on the shingle beach below when she landed four square on the stones beside them. Her only injury was a bitten tongue. She is wonderful, has protected K and D and myself through thick and thin. Now though, she is nearly blind, mostly deaf and her legs don’t always work when she wants them to. She sleeps a lot.

 

Did someone call?

 

This morning was bright and sunny and full of promise. I took the dogs into the garden as usual. Attached Lucy to her running lead then started to untangle the second long rope for Rosie when whoosh – Lucy was away. I have no idea how she got free. I tied up Rosie. Lucy came tearing back and pounced about in front of Nellie, who had found a patch of really warm sun and was rolling back and forth in ecstasy, eyes half closed against the sunlight. Next moment she was off, tail waving, galloping after Lucy towards the hedge. This elderly dog, with wobbly legs, no sight and little hearing was heading off into the fields. Rosie whined. Back scampered Lucy and I swear she undid the carabiner on Rosie’s collar, because, within seconds Rosie too was away. The fuzzy boys took one look, then turned back inside, more intent on breakfast than high jinks.

Normally I would leave the two little girls to run off their energy, pretty sure that they would find their way home, but Nellie I had to find. So I tramped the fields and the roads. Once, twice…clockwise, anti clockwise, trespassed into the paint-balling fields behind our own. Nothing. Not a sight or sound of them.

Two hours later, Rosie slunk home. I decided to try the fields one more time. Nothing. Then, as I reached our back gate, I spotted Nellie, barely able to put one arthritic foot in front of the other but with her tail still wagging. Moving to the left and right a little behind was Lucy, giving a  little nudge here, a gentle push there, encouraging Nell back towards the house.

Was she helping the old dog home, acting as her eyes and ears? Who knows. I didn’t have the heart to be cross with the little minx. They were all home, and my old girl was safe.

As I write, Nellie is sound asleep by my side. She is twitching and mumbling. I hope she is dreaming of running free and effortlessly, the warmth of the sun on her gleaming white coat; of a time when her muscles were strong and her joints pain free; when she could see for miles and hear the slightest interesting sound on warm summer air.

Lucy is curled up, watching closely to see if there is any chance I might feed her the breakfast she missed, or whether I really will make her wait until dinner time for her food.

I am trying to decide whether it is likely that Lucy has discovered how to undo the carabiner clips, or whether I just made pig’s ear of clipping them on in the first place.

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Tail End Charlie – again

We call our blue, long haired, miniature Dachsund ‘tail end charlie’ because he insists on being last in line on a walk – and I mean insists, to the extent of walking in circles until our patience gives out and we just have to move on. It is a bit like a staring contest. He is not a particularly bright dog, though very loving and gentle, but in this he is the epitome of stubbornness. He was born to be last in line.

This is a long winded introduction to my late-coming to Napowrimo! I have just realised that it is happening now and have, six days late, signed up to write a poem every day for a month. I’m not sure why I was slow to catch on, but even when I found the site, I looked at ‘April 2011’ on screen and thought I still had plenty of time…I seem to have absorbed the fact that it is 2011, but not that it is already April.

I will endeavour to write a poem every day, but am not sure if I can play catch up and write seven in one day. I have already delighted in following the link from the Napowrimo site to http://www.writingfix.com and their generator of Serendipitous Oxymorons. I have spent five fun minutes clicking on alternatives and a whole page in my notebook is now covered with brilliant word combinations – melodic drowning being my current favourite.

So enough of this – I’m off to write a poem…

 

Four hours later, and the poem can be seen at  https://sallyjblackmore.co.uk/napowrimo/suicide/

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